Do Not Feed The Alpacas
Concerning a change of name, a feud in the countryside, and Carolyn's estimate of Douglas's worth.
Everyone just calls it ‘Cabin Fever’ anyway.
I’ve changed the name! Of this thing, I mean. Hope that’s ok. What happened was: this week, I thought about something ‘Oh, I could put that on Love, The Airport.’ Then I remembered that’s not actually what this is called. Then I tried to remember what it was called… and couldn’t. So… this seemed like evidence that I maybe hadn’t quite cracked choosing the title.
‘John Finnemore’s Misc File’ (as I eventually remembered this was called until now) is pretty bland and uninviting, let’s face it. I might as well call it ‘John Finnemore’s Sweepings Up’ or ‘John Finnemore’s Content Receptacle’. ‘Love, The Airport’ similarly tells you nothing about what you’re going to get, but in a jollier way. So, let’s go with that for now, shall we?
This happens to me fairly often, by the way. Every now and again a title arrives near the beginning of the project, and is so obviously right I never question it again. ‘A Flock of Tigers’ was like that, and so was the idea of using destinations as episode titles for Cabin Pressure. But most things I’ve written spent some time - often quite a long time - being called something else first. For instance:
Penguin Diplomacy - Bogart’s Egg
The Wroxton Box - Bells and Whistles
Cabin Pressure - Jet Lag
John Finnemore’s Souvenir Programme - John Finnemore, Apparently.
The Researcher’s First Murder - Jane’s Corebone
News and Ads
Don’t think I’ve got much of either this week. As previously announced, If you’d like to see me talk about The Researcher’s First Murder, come to Chipping Norton in November. If you’d like to see me do some sketches and a Double Act live, come to Brighton in January. If you’d prefer not to see me at all, I congratulate you on your good taste, and most of the rest of the world ought to be pretty safe.
Possibly the Best Photo I’ve Ever Taken.
Looks like the horse has learnt to make signs. Your move, alpacas.
Commentary Box, on
Re: the surprising ubiquity of little red bows on Yorkshire terriers, HBB tells me something I certainly didn’t know:
I would add in defence of Mesdames Donneley, Munday, Huxham and Lane that it may not be strictly a matter of their opinion regarding the bows: the American Kennel Club describes the bow as part of the breed standards, rather as if a well bred-Yorkie will, like a silky coat and an air of self importance, simply *have bows*, rather than it being a grooming choice on the part of the owner:
"The fall on the head is long, tied with one bow in center of head or parted in the middle and tied with two bows.”
Good lord. I did a sketch once about the pointlessness (and sometimes cruelty) of dog shows where the only thing being judged is how much the dog looks like a picture of a dog drawn by the people running the show. Maybe I’ll put it up here in Sketch Box next time.
Re: the appalling behaviour of my toothbrush, I was very heartened to hear messages of solidarity from several others who have suffered psychological warfare at its pixels, such as Toblerones, Robin, Gillian and HolRose, the last of whom also brings me the unwelcome news that if you brush your teeth for thirty seconds OVER the two minutes, the sanctimonious little article turns its eyes into stars, as if overwhelmed by the sheer sanitary diligence of its master. Or slave. Luckily, this is unlikely to trouble me.
Re: the Doorbuzzer Puzzle: I’m delighted to say that Andrew O’Callaghan was the first to put the correct answer in the comments, and HBB, fresh from enlightening me about Yorkshire terriers, was the first to explain it; and they are therefore our first ever gold and silver prize winners! Congratulations.
Since the puzzle was behind the paywall, I’ll put the explanation there too. Incidentally, I think I won’t do a puzzle every time, but when I do, I’ll alternate between putting them before and after the paywall.
Sketch Book
Good writing and ready writing.
Sometimes, I just want to quote something good I’ve read to you, without explaining it or making a joke about it. And what I’ve just realised is: I can if I like. Here is Ben Jonson being spot on about writing, 400 or so years ago:
So did the best writers in their beginnings; they imposed upon themselves care, and industry. They did nothing rashly. They obtained first to write well, and then custom made it easy and a habit. By little and little, their matter showed itself to them more plentifully; their words answered, their composition followed; and all, as in a well ordered family, presented itself in the place. So that the sum of all is: ready writing makes not good writing; but good writing brings on ready writing.
And now, au revoir to Thrifty Squadron, as Spendy Squadron and I nip down the secret passage to find: the solution to the buzzer puzzle, the unexpected retaliation of the alpacas, and a never-recorded scene from Cabin Pressure in which Carolyn awards Douglas and Martin their annual bonuses…
Love,
The Airport