Resting Postures of Koalas, Judged for Practicality and Style.
Concerning imprudent marsupials, implied costs, a well-deserved nomination, a valedictory puzzle, and an extremely thorough rescue.
(a) …I’m sorry, what? This is your ‘basic posture’? When a koala wants a rest - which, let’s remember, is practically always - this is the go-to? It’s a mess, koalas. I’m sorry to be harsh, but pull yourself together. First off, neither of your forepaws are holding on to the tree. One’s tucked clear behind it, and heaven knows what the other’s up to. Granted, both rear paws are hanging on for dear life, but then they would have to be. You’re quadrupeds, koalas. Get it together.
b) I mean, marginally better, I suppose. At least you’ve got one paw each side. But you look like you’re having an existential crisis. And you’re still not holding the damn tree.
c) What are you looking at? You’re a koala. Whatever it is, there’s nothing you can do about it. If it’s a potential prey, then it’s a leaf, it’s not going anywhere. If it’s a potential predator, it’ll eat you if it wants to. Neither fight nor flight are realistic options for you, koalas, you might as well relax. Some practicality points, I suppose, for actually using your front paws for once. But… what exactly is going on with your back half? I’m not sure what I’m looking at there. To be fair, this might not be your fault so much as your illustrator, who I assume is Smith (1979). You might want to have a word with Smith, Koalas. I’m beginning to suspect they’re not on your side.
d) Wow. Ok. I mean, obviously it’s ludicrous, but… I can’t deny it’s got flair. This koala is inevitably going to fall out of their tree in the next twenty to forty seconds, but right now they’re on the top of the world looking down on creation, and I haven’t the heart to criticise. Go for it.
e) Ok, that’s surprisingly intense. This is your normal ground posture, koalas? Really? The ‘furious coffee table’? Well, it’s stable, for once. But I reckon you could take the attitude down three or four notches. Once again, remember what you are. You’re koalas. No-one is going to mistake you for Robert de Niro.
f) Yes! This! This one! This is sitting, koalas. This is what it looks like. You look stable, you look symmetrical, you look almost half way to being a normal sensible animal. Stick with this one all week long, with perhaps a session of e) for Saturday night, and d) for Sunday morning.
g) What’s this, koala stealth mode? Are you stalking an antelope? Get up, koalas, you look ridiculous. And what have you done to your ears?
h) You’re going to roll away, koalas. That’s what’s going to happen here. One breath of wind, and you are quite simply going to roll away.
News and Ads
JFSP try-outs
This year’s John Finnemore’s Souvenir Programme will go out on Radio 4 in August. Which means we’ll record it in July. Which means I need to write it right now. Which means… it’s time for the semi-secret try-out nights of new sketches for which this newsletter was originally created, back when dinosaurs ruled the Earth. This year’s will be on the 10th and 19th June and the 8th July, at the lovely Cecil Sharp House in Camden where the last few have been. Full details and indeed tickets are available here. Children welcome - there’s no official age limit. You know what the show’s like, and you know what your kids are like. You be the judge.
Tall Tales
Or, if you’d rather see me do a few of the new sketches even sooner than that, amongst other very funny people doing significantly more polished and rehearsed material of their own, then come along to the story-telling night Tall Tales, at the North London Tavern in Kilburn, 8pm, 3rd June. Email talltalesnight@gmail.com to reserve a ticket, which you can then buy on the door, for £5. A price which seems almost suspiciously low, but that’s because the night has also been running since dinosaur times, and the guy who runs it refuses to believe inflation is real.
Eisner Award
Not my news, but amazing news from and for Tealin, long of this parish, who some of you will remember from her wonderful illustrations of scenes from Cabin Pressure.
For years, Tealin has been working on her magnum opus, a two volume graphic novel of Apsley Cherry-Garrard’s memoir The Worst Journey in the World. And now look what’s happened!
To my very great surprise, Worst Journey Vol.1 has been nominated for an Eisner Award! The Eisners are the comics industry's Oscars – US-centric and given out at a big self-congratulatory event in California, but the highest profile awards and a seriously big deal. I honestly thought I was too niche ever to appeal to the committee, but lo I have been nominated for Best Adaptation From Another Medium.
Huge congratulations, Tealin; best of luck, and I hereby bet you win.
(I should add she did not remotely ask me to write any of this.)